Why boundaries are important?

Boundaries keep us safe in relationships, giving signals about behaviour we will accept and behaviour we find intolerable.

If we

• fear conflict and are a people pleaser
• feel responsible for other people's feelings
• say yes when we want to say no
• allow people to take advantage of us
• put others' needs before our own
• agree to things that make us uncomfortable or that we don't want to do 

If we display any of the following behaviour, we do not have strong boundaries.

In order to strengthen our boundaries, let's look at this list which will help us exercise healthy boundaries.

1. I have the right to...
2. If my boundaries are violated, I will...
3. Other people may not...
4. I will not accept...
5. I will no longer allow...
6. I will not continue relationships with people who...
7. Having clear boundaries will enable me to ...

If we have a controlling or aggressive person in our life, we need to remember that their behaviour is not about us. It is how they are. We are not responsible of their behaviour and we need to say it loud and clear: I will not continue a relationship with you!

If we have to deal with difficult people, we need to listen to them without feeling the need to justify ourselves. We need to listen to them without feeling the need to solve their problems.

Indeed we need to learn to see them with a soft compassionate eyes but we need to let go of feeling responsibility or guilty.

Some people need to be the centre of attention even if it means starting fights or making unpleasant remarks about others. Therefore, boundaries keep us safe in relationships, giving us signals about the behaviour we find not acceptable!